By Laurel House via Healing Lifestyles and Spas
Have you ever felt a connection with a man that felt good and REAL, like there was definitely something between the two of you that you knew you had to explore further?
Internally you may be like “Wow, I rarely feel this connection and I don’t even know where it is coming from. Am I a little crazy for feeling this way?” and yet there is something undeniable about it that you are compelled to follow.
So you do, and then he reveals that he isn’t looking for anything serious right now.
Your mind starts racing a hundred miles per minute trying to justify his answer. Maybe he just got out of a long-term relationship, or is really focused on his career, or some other reason – but it hits you in the gut because you were starting to feel like he could be YOUR guy.
“Well great, now what am I supposed to do with that?” you think.
Do you give your time to someone who clearly doesn’t want a relationship? Or do you give it your all and hope for the best – that the connection you’re feeling will turn into long term happiness?
The truth is: just because there’s a connection between two people doesn’t mean it turns into a love story.
But why do we have such strong connections with people, even people that we just met, if they don’t turn into something that lasts?
Well, first I want you to know there is ABSOLUTELY a connection.
You aren’t crazy, you were totally connecting with this guy and he was connecting with you. It was felt on both sides.
But so many of us are expecting our love story to fit inside a formula.
We think: Amazing connection —> commitment —> long term relationship bliss.
We want to find love so badly that if there was a formula of some sort it would HELP, but love doesn’t fit into a formula.
The number one thing you can do when you feel a strong connection with someone that you realize isn’t going where you thought it would go:
Allow the connection to be true instead of thinking that you did something wrong or that you were making it up in your head.
So often I see so many women immediately go into:
What was I missing?
Was I totally wrong in feeling what I was feeling?
Can I not trust myself to know when I should pursue something?
Why do I keep “connecting” to all of these men and they STILL aren’t right for me?
We connect with people in ways that we can’t always explain at intensities that don’t make sense. Let that be OK.
Often, we make this mean that we can’t trust ourselves, or stop believing in that feeling. We can sometimes go to the place of, “I don’t want to date because what if I am wrong again?”
Keep it simple. That feeling of connection was spot on, and love is not a formula, so you connected and it wasn’t meant to last. Let that be true and let that be what was meant to be.
So the next time you start to doubt yourself or feel defeated after a connection ends, follow these steps:
1) Be nice to yourself.
In these moments, we immediately jump to beating ourselves up. Start by choosing kinder words when talking to yourself. You are not lacking, missing the signs, or an idiot for exploring the connection. You felt something there, and you took a risk. This is 100% better than having regrets for not exploring the connection.
2) Get back into trust.
Treat yourself to something nice. Buy yourself some flowers, get a massage, or a nice new journal. Some self care will help take the edge off of your doubt and back into trusting that you know what is best for you.
3) Find the AHA.
Think about what the connection reminded you of that was positive. Maybe you were reminded that you are desired by a man again, or you got clear that you are looking for a man who is totally and 100% ready to tell you how he feels about you. These are all good outcomes of temporary connections.
4) Remember growth from past connections.
Past relationship connections served you in some way, no matter how bad the breakup was (friendship or relationship). Remember all the ways that this connection served you, even if it didn’t last. All connections are put in your life for that reason. When you start to really allow yourself to allow connections to happen without the expectation that they need to turn into something long term, you are able to more easily see why they were brought into your life at this moment in time.
The more you let the connection just be a connection. This will let you filter through the wrong men faster and lead you to the right one quicker.
And if you want to go even deeper and discover how connections CAN lead you to Mr. Right, I’d like to invite you to my dear friend Kavita J. Patel’s no-cost 3 part series called Soul Level Love. It starts Wednesday September 3rd and she’s going to dive in to the truth about what keeps smart, successful women single and how to shift that for good! Click here now to join.
So why do I love Kavita? Kavita has been featured in The Huffington Post, FoxNews, CBSNews,Women’s Health Magazine, Women’s Day Magazine, and Time Out NY, to name a few. She is referred to as a Love Intuitive, and you will know exactly what I mean when you check out her series HERE.
Laurel House is an international Dating Coach and Flirting Expert, MTV’s MADE “It Girl” Mentor, 4x published Lifestyle Author, and a go-to Expert on E! News. Her 5th book "Screwing The Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love,” will be published in December 2014 with Running Press.
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